You can feel her madness

Thursday I start working with my personal trainer. I do not care what it costs, I will go back to derby. I need to do it. If for no other reason that to accomplish one more thing. Know that I am NOT quitter. And, frankly, because I want to.

I am not tired that much, but I am lethargic. This has to be in LARGE part to my complete lack of physical activity. My body is literally BEGGING for me to move. What's weird about that is when I was a kid I was SO lazy. I would pay my brother to change the channel on the TV. Or if I couldn't find the remote I just wouldn't watch it. I have become the kind of person that can't sit still. I get bored so easily. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate routine. I actually NEED it. But the physical and mental challenge that derby brings me just FITS.

I know that it is a long shot as to whether or not I can skate as a part of the team and I will ref if that is the only option. I hope that would be just as satisfying of a position. But I remember when I was working on my hitting skills and one of the stronger girls came in to hit me, I leaned into it and she looked a little shocked and told me how well I was doing. There has got to be some natural talent in me. Sure, the skating comes with practice, the strategy comes with studying the rules and the game. I can DO this. I can BE a good blocker. I WILL be a good blocker. This isn't the kind of thing where I am just going to work and see if it happens when I give my best, this is something that IS going to happen, I just can't say when. Especially now.

I know that I have a lot of work ahead of me. I have a long road to "full" recovery. Let's face it, my ankle will never be like it was. So I have to work twice as hard to get back to where I was AND better so that I might MIGHT be ready for tryouts. They are in July though. So I might not be.

I can't even think about that right now.