Watch out for her dark side

I am starting to feel unsettled.

Ready to move.

Ready for a change.

Forward motion needed.

As fast as these silly crutches will allow.

Today I had to take some pain meds for the first time in almost two weeks. It feels like a giant step backward. (I am such a drama queen sometimes. Most times.)

I am getting so damn frustrated. This particular set-back isn't like those that I have experienced in the past. I cannot progress any faster than my body or my doctor will let me. There is no extra study time, overtime, extra practice. Now it's the waiting game. Even though I have been waiting 6 weeks to get my cast off, even though I have been waiting what feels like forever to feel like I belonged to something, to feel like I was on a team . . . these past two months have just dragged.

I can totally understand why some people can't comprehend this obsession. I don't comprehend the obsession most of the time. When I am out and about I look at sidewalks and try to decide if they are good to skate on, making mental notes of big, clean parking lots.

What has happened to me?

Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with all the things going on or the memories of all the things that have gone on and I have no outlet. Yeah, I know, POOR ME. Boohoo. But when I sit there and just need some sort of release for the frustration and anger and feelings of loss, I can't help but think about how I have also lost my ablilty to get that release. I always exercised when I was stressed. And the thing I loved about skating was that it required more thought than the elliptical machine or reverse crunches so it REALLY took my mind off things I couldn't change.

UGH.

I can't wait to go back to work next week.