I intended for this to be a blog about my "derby journey". It still is, really. As corny as it may sound, I am learning more from derby than just how to skate and take hits. I know I have said that before. Right now I am learning patience. Here is something I wrote two years ago when I was having a really tough time (all lessons still apply, especially the one about Tabasco):
Life has a funny way of teaching you things. So often my parents would try to tell me not to do this or that, and the only way I learned, was by not listening.
And I still don’t listen. Not entirely, I am getting much better. But I still learn better from the things I do on my own, whether I fail or succeed, than by doing what others tell me to do. These are a few of the things I have learned in the past year:
1) Pay attention to the weather channel, if it says rain, don’t wear sandals.
2) Not everyone can be trusted.
3) Not everyone is lying.
4) The hardest part of life may be knowing when to give up and when to try harder.
5) It is not fair to anyone when you don’t share how you feel. Whether the feelings are negative or positive, they matter. They might matter a whole lot more than you realize.
6) I am not as afraid of spiders as I thought I was.
7) I am still afraid of moths, though.
8) His name is not Tim.
9) If it seems like a good idea, do it. The only things I have ever regretted enough to want to change are: not saying it, not doing it, or not living up to my potential. And it is really the only way to figure out what does and does not work.
10) Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you’ll get it. But there’s a lot to be said for having tried.
11) FreeCell is the most addicting solitaire game on the planet.
12) Having feelings doesn’t make you weak. But it can make you look a little cuckoo if you let them take over.
13) Once you find a hair conditioner you like, they will almost certainly discontinue it. Stock up.
14) If you wear heels, don’t hook them on the rung around the bottom of your barstool, there’s a good chance you’ll fall off.
15) If it smells like MSG and it tastes like MSG, it must be MSG.
16) The book is almost always better than the movie.
17) Video games can be fun . . .in moderation. (I know! I was surprised to learn this as well. I’m still resisting Guitar Hero, though.)
18) Being afraid to do something is not an indication that it’s a bad idea. Just that different can be scary.
19) You should only feel bad about failing at something if you gave less than your best. Not everything was meant to be.
20) Everything is better with Tabasco. Except applesauce.
21) Don’t move too fast. I’ve heard the secret to a happy life is enjoying the ride.
22) Tell the people you love that you love them. Hug the people you care about. You never know when your last chance is until it’s already gone. You will most likely be sorry you missed that last chance. This goes for friends, parents, grandparents, siblings, significant others . . . not bosses though, that’s just weird. Buy them a mug or something.
23) If you’re upset and some guy that just got out of jail is sitting on your front steps, singing a song in his native language. Politely ask him to leave. Things only go downhill from there.
24) Charlie’s boat, Summer Shandy and Lake Cormorant might just be the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Unless you have to hang your butt in 50 degree water to pee. But really, that’s only a minor irritation.
25) Life is too short to worry about the people that have hurt us, the things that haven’t gone our way or the things we cannot change. You have two options: 1) put your big girl panties on and deal with it. Or, trust me, just pick the first one. Everyone will like you a LOT more that way.
26) You always had two more shots than you actually remember. And ANY shot at Dempsey’s always counts as two!
27) “I had a bad week” means the EXACT same thing to me as “I need to get hammered.” Just so you’re prepared next time.
28) Residents of Fargo can recycle one computer monitor per month.
29) Giving up on your dreams helps no one and hurts you the most.
30) Get in line for the Port-A-Potty at Ribfest as SOON as you buy your first beer.
31) Not everything goes according to plan. Which is probably one of the very few things you can count on to always be true.
32) Never underestimate the power of a kind and unexpected word. Or the power of a mean one for that matter. Most people actually have feelings.
So, anyway. I’m not sure that I really have a point. I rarely have a point and when I do, I am not the best at verbalizing it. Most of the time I just like to listen to myself talk. My whole intention here was to illustrate that once you realize that everything is unfolding as it was meant to, things are a lot easier to handle. People have to go through all that shit to appreciate the good stuff. I’m really bad at coming to grips with that though. In general, you could say that I am so afraid of feeling anything, that I often miss all that good stuff. I told my mom today that I am just as afraid of being in love or wanting something too badly as I am of getting hurt or failing. It’s the fact of not being in control of my emotions that really bothers me.
It’s the idea that other people can actually have an affect of me that irks me. And then she says
“Do you think that the fact you DON’T open up to people as much as you should has a negative effect? Maybe that is worse than getting hurt and by trying to protect yourself, you only do more damage?”
Oh.
Okay then.
Well, shit.
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