Eat. Sleep. Drink. Skate.

Okay, so I don't do those four things in equal proportion.

But I am getting antsy. I am dreaming derby, talking derby all the time. Showing off my pathetic rink rash elbows but pretty darn fantastic bruised knee to ANYONE that will look, and even to people that don't give a hoot.

I google roller derby.

I asked one of my teammates to be my derby wife because I want one SO BAD. Don't get me wrong, I adore her . . . I just don't know if completely forgoing courtship is frowned upon :)

I breathe it, I preach it, I buy tickets for people. I talk about it CONSTANTLY.

and yet . . .

I am afraid to take whips and hits. I am afraid to block and pack skate. I am afraid of failing at something I want to do more than anything. This is the most I have EVER wanted ANYTHING. Unless you count how badly I wanted to marry Gavin Rossdale (Thanks a LOT Gwen!)

What really REALLY sold me is that when I told people about these worries . . . they push me. I told some of my teammates at practice that I was afraid to hurt someone in a jam (for my lack of experience) and they put me in the next one. I was afraid of blocking, they scooted me into a blocking drill.

These are my derby sisters. It may sound corny, but I have never been more proud of ANYTHING than this. I have never felt more like . . . a part of something, a teammate, an integral part of a group than this. I have, until now, been the type of person to stay down when I am knocked down and lick my wounds for far too long. Now I am doing the opposite. I do my best to get up as fast as I can, brush myself off, go again and tend to my wounds later. I am getting tougher. I can feel it.

Joining roller derby is probably the smartest thing I have ever done. Nah, THE smartest thing I have ever done.



Now I just need to get my ass to practice.