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I intended for this to be a blog about my "derby journey". It still is, really. As corny as it may sound, I am learning more from derby than just how to skate and take hits. I know I have said that before. Right now I am learning patience. Here is something I wrote two years ago when I was having a really tough time (all lessons still apply, especially the one about Tabasco):





Life has a funny way of teaching you things. So often my parents would try to tell me not to do this or that, and the only way I learned, was by not listening.



And I still don’t listen. Not entirely, I am getting much better. But I still learn better from the things I do on my own, whether I fail or succeed, than by doing what others tell me to do. These are a few of the things I have learned in the past year:



1) Pay attention to the weather channel, if it says rain, don’t wear sandals.

2) Not everyone can be trusted.

3) Not everyone is lying.

4) The hardest part of life may be knowing when to give up and when to try harder.

5) It is not fair to anyone when you don’t share how you feel. Whether the feelings are negative or positive, they matter. They might matter a whole lot more than you realize.

6) I am not as afraid of spiders as I thought I was.

7) I am still afraid of moths, though.

8) His name is not Tim.

9) If it seems like a good idea, do it. The only things I have ever regretted enough to want to change are: not saying it, not doing it, or not living up to my potential. And it is really the only way to figure out what does and does not work.

10) Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you’ll get it. But there’s a lot to be said for having tried.

11) FreeCell is the most addicting solitaire game on the planet.

12) Having feelings doesn’t make you weak. But it can make you look a little cuckoo if you let them take over.

13) Once you find a hair conditioner you like, they will almost certainly discontinue it. Stock up.

14) If you wear heels, don’t hook them on the rung around the bottom of your barstool, there’s a good chance you’ll fall off.

15) If it smells like MSG and it tastes like MSG, it must be MSG.

16) The book is almost always better than the movie.

17) Video games can be fun . . .in moderation. (I know! I was surprised to learn this as well. I’m still resisting Guitar Hero, though.)

18) Being afraid to do something is not an indication that it’s a bad idea. Just that different can be scary.

19) You should only feel bad about failing at something if you gave less than your best. Not everything was meant to be.

20) Everything is better with Tabasco. Except applesauce.

21) Don’t move too fast. I’ve heard the secret to a happy life is enjoying the ride.

22) Tell the people you love that you love them. Hug the people you care about. You never know when your last chance is until it’s already gone. You will most likely be sorry you missed that last chance. This goes for friends, parents, grandparents, siblings, significant others . . . not bosses though, that’s just weird. Buy them a mug or something.

23) If you’re upset and some guy that just got out of jail is sitting on your front steps, singing a song in his native language. Politely ask him to leave. Things only go downhill from there.

24) Charlie’s boat, Summer Shandy and Lake Cormorant might just be the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Unless you have to hang your butt in 50 degree water to pee. But really, that’s only a minor irritation.

25) Life is too short to worry about the people that have hurt us, the things that haven’t gone our way or the things we cannot change. You have two options: 1) put your big girl panties on and deal with it. Or, trust me, just pick the first one. Everyone will like you a LOT more that way.

26) You always had two more shots than you actually remember. And ANY shot at Dempsey’s always counts as two!

27) “I had a bad week” means the EXACT same thing to me as “I need to get hammered.” Just so you’re prepared next time.

28) Residents of Fargo can recycle one computer monitor per month.

29) Giving up on your dreams helps no one and hurts you the most.

30) Get in line for the Port-A-Potty at Ribfest as SOON as you buy your first beer.

31) Not everything goes according to plan. Which is probably one of the very few things you can count on to always be true.

32) Never underestimate the power of a kind and unexpected word. Or the power of a mean one for that matter. Most people actually have feelings.



So, anyway. I’m not sure that I really have a point. I rarely have a point and when I do, I am not the best at verbalizing it. Most of the time I just like to listen to myself talk. My whole intention here was to illustrate that once you realize that everything is unfolding as it was meant to, things are a lot easier to handle. People have to go through all that shit to appreciate the good stuff. I’m really bad at coming to grips with that though. In general, you could say that I am so afraid of feeling anything, that I often miss all that good stuff. I told my mom today that I am just as afraid of being in love or wanting something too badly as I am of getting hurt or failing. It’s the fact of not being in control of my emotions that really bothers me.



It’s the idea that other people can actually have an affect of me that irks me. And then she says



“Do you think that the fact you DON’T open up to people as much as you should has a negative effect? Maybe that is worse than getting hurt and by trying to protect yourself, you only do more damage?”



Oh.



Okay then.



Well, shit.

Live Fast . . . Die Pretty

So far the only thing I have stuck with that I didn't HAVE to was college. And I am SO proud of that, even if I am not using my degree as I wish I was.

Derby will be my next . . . conquest, if you will. Life seems to be getting the better of me. Between working two jobs, trying to see the kiddos, take care of the dog, take care of the house and, oh yeah, take care of me . . . I am getting pulled in a bunch of different directions.

I am going to MAKE derby fit. It HAS to fit. IT WILL FIT. I will not give this up.

I agree that I am a pretty selfish person, I work on not being that way. Believe me, it's a daily stuggle sometimes. I won't give derby up though because it is teaching me some great life lessons about getting up when you have been knocked down (literally and figuratively). It has taught me when I have a bad day, sometimes all I want is to get my ass kicked at practice. I want to do elbow taps until my abs seize and then I want to do cherry pickers. But it also teaches me that there are more important things like family and friends and silly animals that eat chocolate at really inopportune times. (Not that there is a GOOD time for dogs to eat chocolate.)

Derby gives me something to be proud of. There have only been TWO times since I started in November where I was mad when I left practice. And those two times I felt like I had given up. I hadn't given the 110% I know I can. I know that I am improving and it is the small victories that keep me coming back, not to mention the awesome AWESOME people and a GREAT reason to wear wicked shorts.

I can't WAIT to be where I want to be. . . but I will wait, no matter how long it takes.

Very truly yours,
amErica the Brutiful

Whip it real good!

Okay, so last week was "THE DRAFT" and . . .

I am not on a team :( . . . YET.

I did get to go out for one (okay, TWO) beers after practice on Thursday with some of my derby sisters. (After passing hip whips . . . FINALLY!) What's strange to me is that I won't wear regular shorts in public, but booty shorts with cherries on the ass and ripped up tights are a-ok at a BAR.

Don't worry, I haven't figured me out either.

Have not yet passed my skills. (STUPID HOPS!) BAH! Working on it.

I have been online shopping for outdoor wheels and bearings. Cannot wait skate around Oxbow!!

Softball starts in about a month. I'll have a few interesting weeks in there where softball and derby overlap. Derby Tuesdays/Thursdays + softball Wednesdays=SLEEPING Fridays.